MIGHTY HISTORY

The Army made this 1950s film to try and make MPs cool

The film details the patrols of two military police pairs as they foil all sorts of heinous crimes, like uniform infractions and missing curfew. It's like if someone made the first 'Superman' film again, but left out the heroics, crime, drama, and suspense and replaced it all with unintentional comedy.

In 1955, the Army made a video about the the two most handsome military police officers in the history of the Army and their foot patrols through U.S. town, providing "moral guidance" for soldiers and interrupting all sorts of trouble before it starts.

Oddly, they don't write a single speeding ticket, but they do snatch a staff sergeant for driving recklessly.


The military police are moving on foot through the town, learning all the local haunts off base and providing services ranging from giving bus route advice to providing first aid to injured soldiers. They interrupt fights before they happen and let troops know what areas are off limits.

A much wider portfolio than the speed traps they're known for today.

And the video specifically highlights the "moral services" of the military police officers, which is pretty surprising information for anyone who's partied with MPs.

The dangerous gunmen that the MPs stop from shooting up Augusta, Georgia.

(YouTube/Jeff Quitney)

But even in '50s propaganda, the MPs get into some blue falcon shenanigans, waking up a soldier waiting on a bus to get onto him about his uniform, then detaining a soldier on pass for looking slightly shady.

They even find an idiot boot playing pool in his G.I. boots.

Their finest moment comes when they catch a wanted soldier carrying the world's most adorable pistol while loitering near an art studio. Of course, our intrepid heroes catch the ne'er-do-well without a shot fired after drawing on him in the mean streets of Augusta, Georgia.

Actual line in this scene: "Punishment? Well, the sergeant's company commander will take care of that." Um, yeah, of course the commander makes the decision, because MPs have all the punitive powers of a Boy Scout.

(YouTube/Jeff Quitney)

Hint: If you want to make a group of soldiers look awesome, give them a more forgiving challenge than rolling boots in one of the safest cities in the Union. Maybe highlight their role in maneuver warfare or the way they breach buildings and fight gunmen inside.

The worst infraction the MPs find in this video, outside of the miniature gunfighter, is a stolen valor major at 25:30.

The video is almost 30 minutes long, but has plenty of unintentional humor to keep you chuckling. Check it out up top, and be sure to share it with any MP buddies who get too big for their britches.