Black Friday is upon us once again. You know what this means, right? Time to break out that old Army Riot Control Training to help you navigate the malls.

What's that? You think I'm being hyperbolic? If you remove all mentions of weaponry, it's still fairly consistent. Avoid major hubs of civil unrest at all costs. Ensure your unit never breaks eye contact with each other. Don't engage if taunted by locals as it'll escalate the situation further. Utilize "Hearts and Minds" with non-participants caught in the chaos, in this case retail clerks, in an effort to more easily achieve your stated goal. You know, basic stuff that most troops should know.

And there's even a bit in FM 3-19.15 about using video recordings to prove that you were in the right if a situation escalates. All I'm saying is remember to hold your phone horizontally if someone tries to pick a fight over that Baby Yoda doll, which is what we all truly want for Christmas this year.

1."Lonely, I was. Out of the barracks, I needed to be."

(Meme via Army as F*ck)

2.Your hands are the same ones you've had all your life. Focus on the target. 

(Meme via Freedom Hard)

3.Four minutes late gets you a smoke session so bad it'll qualify you for a disability rating in ten years. The fourth DUI just gets you into the next leadership school...

(Meme via US Army WTF Moments Memes)

4.It's the international sign for "listen here, you dense motherf*cker..."

(Meme via On The Minute Memes)

5.How's that working out for you, bud?

(Meme via Team Non-Rec)

6.Every. Single. Time. 

(Meme via The Salty Soldier)

7.True Story: 

I had a guy in my company get into some dumb sh*t Off-post and was arrested on a Sunday night. Didn't inform anyone in the unit until early Monday morning until right before PT. First Sergeant, who was typically very hands-on with PT, had to zonk all of us to go handle that dude along with his platoon sergeant.

Come to find out in the smoke pit later, he knew he was in deep sh*t no matter what happened. So he waited until the last second to also try to use his time in lock-up to get out of PT. It worked. It worked so well we all got PT off.

He was normally a complete ate-up piece of hot garbage and no one could stand his ass, but for one glorious moment... He was a true hero.

(Meme via Not CID)

8.Show of hands. Has anyone ever actually gotten sent to their first choice on their dream sheet without specifically reenlisting for it or being just an O-5 or above?

(Meme via Coast Guard Memes)

9.All the best military strategy the Commies had to offer never accounted for one severely pissed off Marine. 

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

10.I've been saying this since day one. This is specifically why we need a Space Force. 

(Meme via Smokepit Fairytales)

11.Give a private a bar of gold and they'll complain it's too heavy... 

(Meme via Disgruntled Vets)

12.But hey. The free stack of pancakes each year is kinda nice... 

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

13.It's solar-charged and up-armored. It's the perfect vehicle for the zombie apocalypse!

(Meme via Private News Network)