7 rejected X-rated military Valentine's Day articles

Today I learned what "plug and chug" means.

There's a running bit in the We Are The Mighty office that if all else fails we could always make porn.

I like to bring it up during dry brainstorming sessions. I was feeling particularly amused by inappropriate humor last week during a meeting and, much to my utter delight, Army vet and WATM writer extraordinaire Logan Nye was too. He started listing off military-related Valentine's Day articles that we should would never (because we're classy like that I guess...) publish, and I told him that it was just too selfish to keep his creative genius from the world.

It derailed the meeting, but it was worth it.

So, my patriotic friends, I give you our list of rejected Valentine's Day articles. Share with your right hand special someone and enjoy.

How to have really great sex in an MATV

Pro-tip: Leave the battle rattle on.

How to show a lost LT his way to your G-spot

We're two inches from where you think we are.

Also read: 7 things Jodie will do with your girlfriend this Valentine's Day

How to improve your short-range marksmanship *wink*

Please worry about it.

DARPA's best tech for mind-blowing orgasms

This popped up when I googled "DARPA robot" and I am howling.

7 military items that are dildos if you're brave enough

"Precision insertion requires a dedicated boom operator in order to extend loiter time on station."

9 most bone-able military leaders from history

More like Chesty Pull-her, amiright?

More reading: 5 tips that will make her grateful to be your Valentine

Top 10 haunted battlefields with the sexiest ghosts

Real footage from Okinawa.