Your life as a military spouse is what you make it. There, I said it -- it's your responsibility to make yourself happy in this military life. Before you stop reading this article or leave me a nasty comment, give me a chance to explain.
I am a military spouse of twelve years and have been with my husband for fifteen years. I've moved eight times – from coast to coast and even to Alaska for a time. My first move with my husband was in 2006. I was only 21 years old. I left my family and all I knew, and two days after we arrived at our new duty station, my husband got underway on a boat for weeks.
I was alone, I didn't have a job, friends, or even cable or internet!
It. Was. Horrible.
I remember feeling waves of depression and not wanting to get off the couch as I watched Grey's Anatomy on DVD for the millionth time. I was isolating myself and never felt more alone in my life. Did you know that loneliness can literally hurt your brain?
One study found that loneliness was a risk factor of dementia later in life.
After a few days of living in this funk, I took a good hard look at myself. I saw my stained sweat pants, unwashed dishes, and wondered what I was doing. We had just PCS'd to one of the most beautiful beach towns in Florida, and here I was wasting away, getting paler by the minute. I got off that couch and set out to build a life.
I knew that I could stay in that space forever, but I was losing the opportunity of a lifetime in the process. This military life is beautiful – but it's up to you to embrace it.
Fast forward to 2020 and I couldn't imagine having any other life. MilSpouse life is my jam! I look forward to every PCS and see it as an adventure just waiting for me to dive into. Each new state is a new home filled with new foods to taste, cities to explore, and above all -- friendships that await. Once you get off that couch and commit to building a life as a military spouse, the absolute best part of military life is waiting for you. Your future MilSpouse bestie is out there!
As military spouses, we are so lucky. We get to surround ourselves with people that we immediately have a connection with. A community that gets every annoying, frustrating and beautiful part of military life. You don't have to say a word and these military spouse brothers and sisters see you and completely get it. There's no fumbling about the weather or times of awkward silences – you are instantly in a circle that's welcoming you with open arms.
So, what are you waiting for?
Here are my top seven reasons why you need to get up off your couch, change out of those sweat pants, and find your MilSpouse bestie:
1. They know the best hair stylist or barber
This information has been handed down like the holy grail to them and they are just waiting to share that beautiful treasure with you.
2. Got a nightmare PCS story to share? Pull up a chair.
Your future BFF wants to hear all about it and compare notes with theirs.
3. They've already scoped out all of the medical doctors, dentists, and specialists
Making decisions on your healthcare is exhausting and nerve-racking. They'll be there to help you with the feedback you need to make your choices more securely.
4. Deployment sucks
They'll let you cry on their couch, vent out your anger or hibernate alone for a few days. At the exact time you need them to, they'll drag you on some adventure that'll make those deployment days fly by. Your MilSpouse bestie will save you – I know, mine saved me.
5. Your holidays will be merry and bright
The military spouse community will fill your holidays with so much joy and laughter that you'll be okay FaceTiming your family when you can't go home. Friendsgiving all day every day.
6. They'll carry you through the hard times
Whether it's deployment, missing your family, or an unspeakable tragedy, they'll carry you through loss that feels unbearable. I've held my friends through the broken space of experiencing a miscarriage, and when I went through my own years later, their strength kept me from drowning in grief. They've got you.
7. Mission first? No problem
The needs of the service will always come first. The needs of the Army, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, and Air Force will always come above your birthday, anniversary, or planned dates. Know it, embrace it, and have a plan B.
Your spouse is working late and missing the delicious dinner you made? No problem, call your bestie to come over and eat with you. Date canceled because of a last-minute training exercise? Totally okay because now you can go see that RomCom with your friends instead. I absolutely treasure my time with MilSpouse besties – because at this point, they are spread all over the country.
I have friends that I can call anytime, anywhere, and know that they'll be there. It's a beautiful life and one I choose to make wherever we are. Even with all of the hard pages of my MilSpouse story, thanks to my besties, I would go back and do it all over again.
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